ACV Democratic News: Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, An Actual Idiot

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
- Groucho Marx

I'm Sure Groucho was referring to Louie Gohmert

Remember terror babies? And “overt homosexuality” in the military? And repealing the 17th Amendment? And “moo goo dog pan or moo goo cat pan”? This is the guy behind all of those “hits.” He’s a racist moron whom a civilized nation would consider institutionalizing for his and our safety. But in God’s favorite country that He has ever created, ever, men like Gohmert are elected to Congress, over and over again.

GOHMERT: And I know the president made the mistake one day of saying he had visited all 57 states, and I’m well aware that there are not 57 states in this country, although there are 57 members of OIC, the Islamic states in the world. Perhaps there was some confusion whether he’d been
to all 57 Islamic states as opposed to all 50 U.S. states. But nonetheless, we have an obligation to the 50 American states, not the 57 Muslim, Islamic states. Our oath we took is in this body, in this House. And it’s to the people of America. And it’s not to the Muslim Brotherhood, who may very well take over Egypt and once they do, they are bent upon setting up a caliphate around the world, including the United States. And this
administration will been complicit in helping people who wants to destroy our country.

Louie is just your typical “Barack Obama is a Muslim who wants to Muslimize America because he hates us” screed. Pretty standard, par-for-the-course for tea party conservatives. More insane racist paranoia, from a congressman. This bizarre right-wing fantasy-land bull gets aired out on a daily basis and the really sad part is there are a small percentage of Americans who really believe it. Like Ron White says "You Can't Fix Stupid".

The Five Most Idiotic Things Louie Gohmert, Who Sees Radical Muslims Anywhere He Looks, Believes

Louis Gohmert doesn't need evidence. He doesn't need proof, or sourcing, or the ability to back up a claim with anything other than the vitriol in his voice and the consternation in his gut. All he needs is an idea, and a microphone, and away we go.

Gohmert's idiocies idiosyncrasies have brought plenty of poor repute to his Tyler-based district, comprising 12 counties that have been as satisfied with Gohmert's run as a dung beetle is with the massed, messy ball it enjoys rolling around. And Gohmert's latest outburst -- alleging that the Obama administration isn't simply kowtowing to the Muslim Brotherhood, but that they've actually infiltrated his rank -- fits wonderfully within his trend of head-in-the-sand statements that make people wonder why anyone would choose to actually live in Texas.

It's a shame that Gohmert won't be around when future textbooks remind children of how studiously stupid you can look when you fail to corroborate claims with attendant evidence. However, with this list of the five most imbecilic things Gohmert's ever asserted, here's hoping he may have some taste as to how future generations will view both him and those who've decided to reelect him ad nauseum:

5. While discussing the putative reality that caribou, for some reason that only a rural Texan representative could fathom, enjoy the warmth of an oil pipeline: "So when [caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. ... So my real concern now if oil stops running through the pipeline ... do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?"

I'm pretty sure that the only thing we'd need a follow-up study on, Mr. Gohmert, is whether you have cracked a lone biology book within the past few decades, or if you'd like to cite, I don't know, a single study purporting to back up the notion that a warm pipeline -- a warm pipeline -- will expedite the mating rituals of ungulates. (Or have you ever even encountered the word "ungulate" before?) Fortunately, George HW Bush had a thought along the same lines, saying, "The caribou love [the pipeline]. They rub against it and they have babies." Fair enough, Mr. President. Whatever you say.

4. After the massacre in Aurora, Colo., Gohmert determined that the cause of James Holmes's rampage wasn't, say, mental health issues, or some form of social trigger -- but, rather, that he didn't have the appropriate fear of a vengeful, unforgiving God: "You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of terror like this takes place. ...

We've threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God's name, they're going to be jailed ... I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don't want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present."

Right, Louie. I'm sure your God took such great offense to being taken out of the valedictory remarks that he let 12 people get gunned down. I'm sure your God is such an egoistic priss that he decided to get back at us for not being the sufficiently pious nation we once were -- what, like when we legally sanctioned Jim Crow? or when your state employed human chattel? or when we snapped every antebellum treaty signed with a Native American tribe? -- that He said, No, fine, James, this is all you, whatever you want. I'm sure that's how your Judeo-Christian God works. He has feelings too, you know.

3. When nominating Florida Rep. Allen West as Speaker of the House ... after West had already lost his reelection bid. (Louie didn't so much say as anything terribly heinous this time around, but it was certainly one of the most moronic moves he's yet made. West, well-known for being nearly court martialed for firing a gun past an already-held suspect's head in Iraq, was one of the scummier politicians recently in the House.

2. Last week, Gohmert went to World Net Daily, one of the only conspiracy sites giving Alex Jones a run, to spout, once more, a belief that the enemies have already reached our shore: "This administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America."

"So many," he says. This administration, this claque pushing into a second term the predominance of the American people demanded, has "so many Muslim Brotherhood members" within it. Not that he'd like to name any other than, say, Huma Abedin, the former Hilary Clinton aide that Gohmert and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann determined was a mole last summer. Ted Cruz has already grabbed the mantle of Modern McCarthyism, so Gohmert
has to conduct a few House hearings before he can threaten Cruz's position. But he's on his way. Proof is for the weak. Slander is for the successful. And it's high-time the administration of the B. Hussein Gang is revealed for the anti-American, pro-Allah clique it is.

1. Much like Houston's own State Rep. Debbie Riddle, Gohmert is convinced, all evidence otherwise, that there are terrorist organizations -- somewhere, somehow -- concocting schemes to send their pregnant Black Widows to our American shores, spawning natural-born terrorists, and then
using them and their US Citizenship Cards, decades on, to decimate the land we call home: "[The children] could be raised and coddled as future terrorists [and] twenty, thirty years down the road, they can be sent in to help destroy our way of life."

As before, Gohmert seems interminably incapable of citing any forms of evidence. The man's rhetorical devices are as hollow as they are unbearable; he'd be laughed out of any courtroom and debate society the nation over. Fortunately, we have video evidence of Gohmert squaring against his dearth of evidence, and if you'd like to spend 10 minutes of your life gnashing your teeth while Louie provides ample fodder for future Americans to continue mocking Texas's 1st District, here ya go:

I'm impressed that anyone has the editorial fortitude to limit this list to just 5 items. Calling him a retarded redneck insults the mentally disabled and the social hillbillies.

Everyone in Texas' 1st congressional district should hang their heads in collective shame for electing this semi-functional mental retard to the United States congress. Here's the sad part, Gohmert may be a completely useless moron...but he just may be one of the smartest Republicans left in America.